Raising Good Children

KIDS are just one of the greatest gift God ever bestowed to couples, sometimes to single moms. Nurturing them is just one thing and raising them well is another. Basically kids goes through various stages inlife as a young and it is indeed important that they being guided by the grown ups, especially by their parents.




However, kids have their own various personalities that they themselves dealt upon so it is important that they are being understood.

Dr. Lickona's big ideas on 'morality is respect' is one to ponder on. It is indeed true that kid develop morality slowly and in stages because they inherit the "idea" of what is moral and what is not through his/her environment.




Grown ups should teach them by example; teach by telling them; and kids should be train to take on real responsibilities - let them feel that they have a role to play, it's one way of letting them feel they are being relied upon; and that they are important.

It is necessary to let them feel that they are being trusted, it gives them more confidence. Confidence is a key to lead them live their life independently. However, the grown ups should also balance independence and control, they should always be at kids' side to guide them when they are off the track.

Emotional intelligence remains to be one ingredient to a quality living, may one be an adult or a kid. It is one of the basic need of a social being, but somehow people forget the significance of which in one's life.

Goleman's five basic principles in his book emotional intelligence is another key to successful parenting. He suggested that emotion should be maximize by parents in the most constructive ways, even focusing on such everyday issues such as sibling rivalry, fights with friends, school situations, homework, and peer pressure.

In the Daniel Goleman's extensive experience, he learned that children respond quickly to these strategies, their self-confidence is strengthened, their curiosity is piqued, and they learn to assert their independence while developing their ability to make responsible choices.

Indeed there are cases of having a "difficult child"; sometimes they just sprang up despite the love he/she gained from his/her family. Sometimes it is because there had been a lapse in process of raising these children. One instance, maybe parents somehow allow their kids to manipulate them rather than teaching them how to respond to life and life's tough situation. Parents cannot be completely blamed on this scenario, because sometimes, parents argued that they only want the best for their kids, so they give them too much love. But remember, sometimes too much of everything is bad. Everything should be under control.

Drs. Swihart and Cotter suggested a program that teaches parents to say no without feeling guilt; to resist the urge to feel responsible for their child's happiness; to view their children as emotionally competent and resilient; and most importantly, to realize that effective parenting means allowing your child to make mistakes and develop a sense of competence, which leads to enhanced self-esteem and an ability to live independently and successfully in the real world.

It's hard work to raise kids, but it's parent's work.

When one flips through the Yellow Pages, you'll find page after page of therapists and child treatment services offering to "help" troubled children and "treat" bad behavior. There is an increasingly aggressive advertisements featuring slogans and touching renderings of tearful children and adolescents bereft over their inability to succeed. The clear message is " If you even think there's something wrong with your kid - we can fix it."

Indeed, sometimes kids can have minor disorders, and such should be treated at once.

In Los Angeles, the competition between hospital based programs and out-patient therapy centers for business has become fierce and it is business. Clearly there are more private sector services available than are needed, even if such assertions are incorrect and practitioners are instead facing an inexplicable and unparalleled epidemic of behavioral illnesses of unknown origin.

It appears that in many cases, the concept of behavioral illness has arisen as the result of two major factors:

Multitudes of parents uneducated in child-rearing skills
Clever marketing by therapists and treatment centers.
If one takes a minute and think about it, everyone achieves immediate benefit from the concept of behavioral illness. If parents become convinced that some disorder is responsible for misconduct, they no longer have to assume the responsibility for correcting it.

Instead of being angry at their kids for misbehaving, they can feel sorry for them. Since it is human nature to feel terrible if you blame someone for something they can't help doing, parents then stop blaming their kids. Kids so excused receive increased freedom and control and have more fun. Therapists are then called in who make money. Since there is actually nothing wrong with their patients ( the children ), treatment goes on and on.

In the meantime the kids are free to and sometimes encouraged to misbehave. ( Some therapists believe that good therapy entails letting kids do anything they want to and observing the result ). Parents become more hesitant to make demands on their "sick" kids, so conduct deteriorates because kids are thus free to do increasingly more outrageous things in their relentless pursuit of a good time. When the therapists finally give up the kids get put into hospitals and other kinds of "inpatient" programs which then get to bill for their services.

Everybody wins in the short-term. Eventually, however, the money or the insurance run out. The kids return home. Their behavior is now really intolerable. Nobody likes them. City, County and State services become required. Police and juvenile officials get involved.

The kids eventually begin to suffer. And when they finally do they suffer the most.

They become known as " bad " kids by other parents, teachers and peers. They feel as though they are always " in trouble." School performance deteriorates until any efforts exerted academically seem to be a hopeless waste of time. The kids become depressed and despondent. They turn to drugs and peers and gangs in a desperate search for relief and understanding. Often, they wind up abandoned by parents, in juvenile hall or out on the streets. For many, crime or prostitution become essential forms of income. All too frequently they commit suicide.

This is every parent's nightmare. It's becoming a national crisis. The myth of behavioral illness is what, in the long run, turns the nightmare into reality. Let's dismantle the myth. Let's find some real answers. Kids should be taken seriously.

Listening is an ability that should always be applied when dealing with children, Thomas Gordon also asserts this in his book called Parent Effectiveness Training. He further explained how to talk to kids by reflecting back what they said to show you are listening to them. It is also important to make I-statements instead of giving orders because, this gives them a feeling of belongingness, that they are not being bossed around because they are loved.

Cliche as it seems, but in almost all studies - LOVE remains the key to dealing with various kind of individuals. Once you make them feel that "they matter" in the world - there is no way of alienating him/her in your world.

Kids are one of the most sensitive being on earth, they should be treated with care and respect. They are not mere kids, they are human beings with feelings. As early as childhood, parents should be careful in molding their sons and daughters because what they become is a reflection of the way their parents raised them.